who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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