My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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