I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
