There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
