1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize