two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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