it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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