woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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