I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
