No more Irish car bombs ever.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
