So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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