Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Everclear isn't food dammit
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize