Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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