SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Boobs speak an international language.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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