I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
