I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
