Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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