you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
