She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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