yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
