I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
