I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
God I need to hump something, right now.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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