marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
