I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
