The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
