god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
