this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Your cock deserves a montage
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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