why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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