Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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