we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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