booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize