So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
did i walk over a car last night?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
