omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
