That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you didnt know i had herpes?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
