i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
