hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
