I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
they need to just BURY HIM!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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