I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
NoShamevember. You game?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
