She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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