Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize