i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
