my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
