Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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