There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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