hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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