Who wears a wallet chain?!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
