her vagine was all disorganized.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
