she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
