haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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