I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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