Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
