When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
