Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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