So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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