How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
