id be glad to
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
handjob tips. give me some.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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