Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
