someone get that fucking seahorse.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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