hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
