How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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